This day has just gotten the best of me. There are so many things I am neglecting right now, but I just needed a mental break before I just completely lose it.
It started at 3 am and hasn't stopped since. My youngest, my dear princess has successfully drained every last ounce of sanity I have. It's gone.
I didn't help matters by going to bed WAY too late...but quite honestly I think God kept me awake because had I already been soundly sleeping at 3 am, I would have handled last night WAY differently. When I am asleep I am a force to be reckoned with. The baby woke up (at 3) SCREAMING. I mean, just screaming. So I went and consoled her, rocked her quietly until I thought she was sleeping again.
As soon as I laid her down, she promptly began screaming. And so we did this again another 2 or 3 times until I realized she wasn't going to lay down. I tried laying her down and just letting her cry, but it just got worse, and Jack was asleep just a few feet away and I really didn't need two children awake and such a ridiculous hour.
So I did what I really don't like to, I took her in bed with me. I don't do this for a few reasons. 1. I really enjoy my space. I mean, I love my children, but not in my space 24/7. 2. I fear her rolling off the bed, because it would be a cold day in hell before the farmer let her sleep between us, so she laid on the end of the bed. 3. Once she gets used to a thing like that, I fear it may never end. Literally. So for the sake of all things true, I just don't do it.
But it was 3 am and I hadn't been to sleep yet...so I just gave in. But then I started to drift off into a deep sleep and she started snoring. I figured she was totally asleep again and went to lay her in her bed.
I mean for real. It was like a comedy of errors. At this point my bedroom light was on and the farmer was desperately searching for his ear plugs. I continued to gently rock her and try to get her to sleep and nothing was working. So I made a bottle, gave her a pacifier and went to bed. I think I finally fell asleep around 5.
Flash forward 3 hours. More screaming. Now she's soaked from head to toe. Awesome.
Changed diaper, gave her a bottle, thought about crawling back into bed, but I just decided to give up on sleep for good.
Then the crying continued. And the messes began. As I ran around in circles trying helplessly to clean and organize and tidy it just kept getting undone. I fed her. I changed her. I gave her toys. I gave her snacks. Her brother played with her. I held her. I changed her again. I gave her more snacks. I gave her a bottle. NOTHING WORKED. The screaming just kept on. So I just started ignoring it. Tried cleaning and going about my day. More crying. More screaming.
I mean picture this: A crying baby in the middle of your kitchen while you're trying to sweep. Every time you move her and keep sweeping, she walks over and sits down in the MIDDLE of your pile. The middle. Every. Single. Time. A seemingly mindless, 4 minute task like sweeping suddenly becomes a 15 minute ordeal. AND YOUR FLOOR IS STILL A DISASTER WHEN YOU'RE DONE. So I finally gave up and let her eat the left over piece of grilled cheese that she was after. Yep, it was coated in dust and nasty stuff. But clearly she didn't mind, so why should I? At least she was quiet for like 23 seconds.
I know mom's get this. I know a lot of people get this. I just am so done with it today. Because it's just one thing after another over. And over. And over. And over. It never stops. And when I thought I had completely lost all my marbles, I was putting the cottage cheese away from lunch and I missed the shelf (I'm still really not sure how that happened) and it exploded all over the floor and my pretty new fridge. EXPLODED. Everywhere.
Now I was crying. Yep, I cried.
But I took a deep breath, thought "Ok, get it together" and called Reggie in the house. I always liked that dog. He licked it up in nothing flat, I wiped the residue up and you would have never known it spilled.
So I got a handle on one of my problems today.
I must go try to tackle something now. I will end this venting session...try to regain a little bit of order in this house before I head to the laundromat with my two precious children in tow and attempt to clean that. Am I completely nuts? Don't answer that.
-The Farmer's Insane Wife